Wonder
by I'm Retired
Summary: Hei's feelings for Yin keep growing stronger and he struggles to adjust to the emotions that are overcoming him. It seems the more he hides it the more it shows. Will he be able to be honest with himself? Can he be honest with her?


Hei looked down at the sleeping figure lying against him. Her soft breathing brushed against his skin and sent goosebumps up and down his arm. She was wearing one of his shirts, a new habit that he's begun to notice. He's barely admitted to himself but, one might think she almost looks cute in his clothes. She snuggles deeper into his chest and he almost thinks he feels a blush sneak up his neck but he suppresses it before he can confront the possibility.

He wonders if she purposefully went to the couch just so she could sleep on top of him. The thought was quickly dismissed though, he knew she was beginning to feel, but she could never feel _that._ At least not for him anyway.

* * *

His eyes gently glide closed as he softly presses his lips against hers. Although no one in particular is watching, Hei feels the need to keep up the act. For once, he decides to take in Yin's presence as he embraces her. He gives the soft curve of her hip a squeeze as the fabric of her blue sundress flutters under his fingers. His other hand strokes her cheek before moving to comb through her silver locks. He can feel the life blossoming beneath her skin and he knows for sure she's just as human as any other. Heat rushes through him and he embraces the feeling instead of fighting it. It feels like he's tasting her for the first time, so he relaxes his shoulders and lets his guard down. He feels a shift within him, and although he doesn't know what it is, or what it could mean, he gives into the moment and doesn't let it bother him.

Yin relishes in the new passion that's being thrust upon her. She grasps his shoulders tightly and presses her lips harder against his. She wants to show him some of her passion too, but she's not sure she knows how.

Hei realizes that they've been kissing far longer than they normally do and reluctantly pulled away. He fears that he enjoyed it too much, that she can tell how desperate he was for her touch. Hei hoped that she would think nothing of it. Or maybe if he was lucky, that it could happen again.

"Hei," Yin muttered breathlessly.

"Sorry, was it too long?" He asked worried.

"No," She moved in closer. "I liked it."

Hei smiles a little as his eyes warm over. He doesn't know if this means she feels anything for him, and he still doesn't think he has the right to feel anything for her, but he'll cherish this moment for a long time.

* * *

Hei lets out a silent scream as he throws the covers off him. He thrusts himself into a sitting position fast enough to get whiplash. He'd suffered from another nightmare, something he wasn't keen on admitting until recently. His heart started to race as he recalled exactly what happened, what still could happen in his situation.

He and Yin had been very careful as they always are. Leaving no trace of their existence, no loose ends to tie. But their adversary is just as cutthroat, cunning, and calculating as they are, and there was no true way to escape them. Hei's skill set and exquisite training gave them the upper hand in most cases, but being kept in the dark about what the Syndicate was planning gave them more chances to take control of the situation.

In this horrific hallucination of realism, they're overpowered by a contractor. Unlike most of his nightmares, he gives his all. There's no freezing in place, his bones don't turn to jelly, nor does his mind scream in his head as his dream body takes over and makes every mistake like it normally does when stupid dream logic takes over. This time he's in full control and fights at full capacity. Yet, that is the scariest part. The fact that he did everything in his power and it still wasn't enough...it shocked him to his core. He was completely out of control, and there was nothing in him to reclaim the power he once had.

Before he knew it, Hei lied there motionless, near death, but still coherent enough to see the contractor approach Yin. She trembled in fear to the best of his imagination. Her eyebrows curved upwards and the corners of her mouth went in the opposite direction. He hated to have to classify this as her first facial expression. He never wanted her to experience a fear that would bring this out of her.

The contractor struck her down mercilessly. She never stood a chance, not without him by her side. Who could she depend on? He failed her, and now he couldn't even embrace her in her last moments. All he could do was lie there in his worthlessness. He wondered if she'd be better off had he not instilled the false hope of escape in her mind. She'd still be a doll working for the Syndicate. She'd still be seen as disposable in their eyes, and no one would come to appreciate the emotion she held within her. But she'd be alive! Maybe...maybe she'd find some enjoyment in between the constant corruption that swirled around her.

He'd be alone, but it's not like he'd deserved any better. She'd treated him better than anyone he'd ever known, and she knew all of him. The only time he was treated with kindness was when he acted as Li. She was the only one who knew of the masked killer and still cared, and still knew there was more to him than both of them. Li was all smoke and mirrors, but the black reaper wasn't who he wanted to be. She was the only one who understood that, and he didn't deserve her.

So Hei sat there trying to be as still as possible in his semi-panicked state. He didn't want to wake Yin with his nightmares again, even though seeing her awake and alive often did help him cope, she needed her rest and he wouldn't rob her of that.

"Hei...?" Too late.

"It's okay Yin, go back to sleep." Hei whispered.

"..." She didn't need to say anything, he already knew. She's perfectly aware of what he dreams about -what he struggles with.

"I'm fine Yin, really..." He couldn't look her in the eyes. Though she was blind she saw right through him, and he couldn't face her just then. She placed her knee on the edge of his bed, hovering over him. Her right hand grabbed his upper thigh while her left pulled his face toward her.

"I'll stay with you tonight Hei."

Hei's face lit up at the thought of them sleeping together. He knew she didn't mean anything by it, but he couldn't stop his mind from wandering.

"Yin, you don't have to do that..." He turned his eyes away from her searing gaze.

"I want to be with you Hei," She urged. "I feel...I feel like..." Her hand trailed down to his neck, then to his broad shoulders. Hei felt a pleasant shiver crawl down his back.

"I clearly can't stop you can I?" Hei laughed, looking down at his almost-lover. She lifted a finger to her lips and made a half smile. Hei smiled back as she slid under the covers with him. "Okay, but just this once."

He wondered if he should hold her or not. What would she do if he did? Would she push him away and move to the edge of the bed with her back to him? Would she decide never to sleep with him again? Would she think him a pervert and slap his hand away? God this is ridiculous! No one thinks this intensely about cuddling!

He decided to just risk it, if anything he could just apologize or play it off as an accident. So he slid a tentative arm over her waist, placing almost no weight on her. She'd already fallen asleep. Yin lied there motionless on her back, never tossing or turning. She remained calm, even in heat of nightmare, as a doll should be. But he could tell when she was pained or struggling to express herself. He was glad he could at least help her with that if anything. She remained still, and it saddened him to see that he had no effect on her.

He held her tighter, pulling her toward him.

Nothing.

Hei slipped his other arm under her and gave her an affectionate squeeze.

She shifted a little and Hei smiled at his small victory.

He pulled her head under his chin and relished in the feel of her sweet breath on his skin. Yin unconsciously lifted her arms to rest against his chest and tangled her legs with his.

"Hei," She breathes. "Goodnight."

Although she said she'd only do it once she comes back again and again each night, regardless of whether or not he's had a nightmare. He doesn't stop her. For every night she sleeps beside him is a full one and he feels more alive each time he wakes up.

He thinks he loves her. He wonders if that's okay.

* * *

She leans on his shoulder as she naps. He doesn't feel awkward or nervous like he normally does. It feels right...being together like this. So he doesn't let himself get worked up about not deserving her. Although he still doesn't fully believe he does.

After all, he can tell she doesn't like it when he puts himself down, even though he does it in silent privacy of his own mind. So if something like that bothers her then he must mean something to her right?

She moves in closer and he grasps her tighter in response. As he looks down at her he thinks he can admit that she _might_ look a little cute in his shirt. But those are still a few words that won't make it past his lips just yet.

* * *

He kisses her. He doesn't have any reason to, they're in the privacy of their hotel room and there's no audience for their little act. He finds this is happening more often than ever. But she seems to like it so he figures he's done no harm.

Ever since their first true kiss, he tries to make each one just as special. His hand strokes her face as he steps into her embrace, pulling her closer. Hei licks her lips, asking for entrance...though she may not understand, this is the first time she's had this type of kiss. But to his surprise she responds with her tongue, kissing him back fiercely. In his surprise he stills for a moment allowing her to push her tongue farther into his mouth. He feels heat rush up to his cheeks, across his chest, and to places _unknown_. He's glad she's too busy with his lips to notice the smouldering blush he's sporting.

She slips her hands under his shirt and softly caresses and massages his bare back. Hei feels sparks fly and shoot all throughout the insides of his body. And though that sounds dangerous and uncomfortable, it excites Hei in more ways than he could ever imagine. The fire within him burns brighter with her touch and he feels it start to sear his soul as he lets out a subtle tremble.

He can almost, just _almost_ feel her smiling against his lips. In a moment it's gone, but he can still feel genuine happiness coming from her, and that's enough.

He needs to breathe, but when he tastes her tongue in his mouth he considers suffocating.

But Yin too needs to breathe, so she pulls away and Hei considers himself lucky to be alive.

Hei wondered how they got where they are now. How he's able to wrap his arms around her with such intimacy without having to struggle with the irrationality of it all. How He's gotten close enough to see her grow and change, to grow with her. To be a contractor and a doll that feel strongly enough to genuinely kiss one another. To feel what he thought was lost once the stars disappeared.

He's glad they've become so comfortable around each other now. That they've gained such a strong trust in one another. That he didn't let the fear his feelings keep them apart.

He knows he loves her. And odds are that she loves him too. He waits for the perfect moment to tell her.

That moment never comes. She's gone before he can even say goodbye.

He thinks she's dead for the longest, and the friend he has now is the bottle. If he's lucky it'll bring a hazy hallucination of her back to him.

He hears someone tell him she's alive, he's so close to passing out that he almost doesn't hear her.

But in that moment, he vows to find her. He won't fail her this time. And he'll do whatever it takes.

* * *

 **The cover pic was drawn by h4e. Go check it out!** **art/Though-not-through-choice-568953709**

 **And make sure to check out their other works while you're at it!**


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